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Showing posts from March, 2021

Day 31: side effects

I think it's weird that I don't remember pain.  I mean the kind of pain that cripples you.   Do I remember the pain during my son's birth? No!  Major surgery? Nope!  Don't get me wrong, I remember what it sounds like and what it looks like but not the feeling.  So that is why I was so thrown off by the side effects of the vaccine. Fever.  Headaches.  Body aches.  Nausea. Cold sweats.  Hot 🔥sweats.  No taste.  No smell.   I must have checked off all of the boxes.   And it was the worst 24 hours.   Was it worth it?  I'm not sure but it's done. 

Day 28: Language is important

It's raining. I wanted to go for a walk but it's really coming down. So I decided to listen to a podcast  ! So while listening to this podcast on the Hawaiian language, and people who are trying to revitalize the language and keep it from extinction, I thought of myself.  I thought of this Who are you? activity I did with my colleagues on Thursday. I thought about all the things that make me, me.   I thought of all the things I am and all the things I am not.  This week, I was confronted with another I am. I am a Puerto Rican who does not speak Spanish. People, a lot of people, look at me and hear my name and assume that I speak Spanish But I do not.  My mom speaks Spanish and my father spoke Spanish and so does my grandmother but I do not.  And that has always been confusing to me and to everyone around me.  And I know why I won't and don't speak Spanish. When I was younger I would try to speak in spanish. The words would swirl in my head. It felt so simple flowing in

Day 27: Don't open your laptop!

Good morning self, I know there is so much that you can do today but don't open the laptop.   You can get ahead. You can grade writing.  You can check reading logs.   You can watch a PD.  Yes it's true but DON'T Open the Laptop! Because you are worth a day away from the screen.  You deserve a walk.  You deserve eyeballs that are not bulging out of your skull.  So just for today, leave the laptop closed, Get outside and enjoy the sunshine for more than 25 minutes.   You deserve it.  Happy Spring Break.  Love, Me

Day 26: Finally Spring Break

 It's Friday at 5:00 PM and the last thing I want to do is open my laptop but here I am.   I mean, I have nothing to write about. School was the usual school.  Last day before break, school.  Kids are burnt out, school.  Teachers are giddy, school.  We had Family Friday! Virtual Family Friday is still a little bit nuts to me. Most of the parents in my class sit near their kiddos all day and know exactly what is happening. There are a few that aren't home and it was cool to see them zoom in from work.  Could that be the silver lining of virtual learning?  Parents that typically wouldn't make it to Family Friday can be there! Then we had a writer visit. This very cooky guy that I thought was nuts and the students absolutely adored. He went through his presentation and I watched their faces and listened to their comments about Aliens and Monsters.  Then there was Sean who was brilliant.  God is powerful and will protect us from Aliens.  I wish I remembered his exact words but

Day 24: Almost there

When I started this challenge I didn't really think I'd make it.a week.  It hasn't been perfect but I've tried. So writing 24 is pretty great.  Today I had a new experience. Our new student entered our zoom. It was so hard for her to navigate the device and the platform but she was super determined.  Trying to communicate over zoom is difficult on a good day. Having to navigate zoom with a teacher who minimally speaks Spanish must be harder. So in the end I'm exhausted but ready for tomorrow. 

Day 23: Things that can happen at 12:30 AM

 I looked up and I saw a dark shadow.  Am I  dreaming?  What's happening?  Hun! Wake up! Call Security!  What are you talking about? I was so confused. Why am I calling security?  Mary is on the floor in the elevator room.    Mary is my 90 year old neighbor.  -So many questions flooded my foggy brain:  -Why is she on the floor?  -How did my husband know this at 12:30 AM?  I grabbed my glasses and my phone. I called security.  No answer.  Call nonemergency.   What ? I called the precinct. No one answered. And I couldn't figure out the extension because I was still very foggy.  Call 911.  I called and got transferred to EMS.  My neighbor is on the floor. She is 90 years old and seemed very confused. She needs assistance.  Where are you?  #11 East 35 st.  What are the cross streets?  What?  Is she exhibiting signs of covid?  I have no idea.  Yes, in 2021 I was asked the cross streets.  I got dressed and laid in my bed.  Still confused and foggy and nervous.  Back story : My neighb

Sunny 🌞 Sunday 15 minutes can do so much

So many thoughts are flowing through my brain but I'll stick with my sunshine.   If you're lucky, you can sit in a chair, close your eyes and soak in the rays for 15 minutes.  You're not checking your phone.  You're not racing from one crazy thought to another.  You just sit.   And if you do just sit, something amazing happens.   Something happens to me.  My brain relaxes. My thoughts are resting.  They are there but not sitting on my heart.  And for 15 minutes my mind settles. Most days I stare at the sun. I look at it from my dining room chair. But today I sat. I opened the door. I let my brain rest.  I hope that you got your 15 minutes today. 

Triggers!

News Flash : CDC guidelines have changed 6 feet to 3 feet. I should be jumping up and down but I'm triggered. All of the changes are making me feel insane.  I check my email obsessively.  And now the questions: How will it work? What does it mean for remote teachers?  What about my in person colleagues? What about my students?  I'm exhausted from all of this! So I'm off to love my smooshy Bulldog!  The End.  And to top it off this post didn't save and I had to type it all over again. Sigh😩

Day 18: Friends and surprises

I worked with Jenny for years.  We co-taught together for a bunch of years.  When she left school and moved away,  she said that we wouldn't lose touch. I didn't believe her but she was right.  We meet up each year and catch up.   Another tradition... her kiddos pick books for my class for one of their Hanukkah presents. She usually asks me which one they would want. I had no idea this year so I made one request, BUY from a Black owned business. I asked that her kids pick the books and read them and then send them us.  This was in December. Today the books arrived with a sweet note.   Today was a good day! 

Day 17: Zoom 💥 bombed

It's been about 8 months.  We've used zoom without too many hiccups.  Today was different. I let my guard down. I let someone in with a weird name. Sometimes my students do that so I didn't think much of it.  Your dad. That should have been a clue.  But it wasn't.  Turn on your screen please.  No response.   Turn on your screen.  Some one started saying weird things.  Nothing crazy or vulgar but still! It wasn't a kid from our community.  I removed the stranger from our group.   More crazy stuff happened.  But the lesson was learned.  More restrictions on zoom tomorrow.  

Day 16: I love my Bulldog but sometimes...

 I love Bella the Bulldog. I call her her Belly and I treat her like a princess but sometimes having a bulldog can make me feel crazy. Today I wanted to take her for a walk. We don't go far, maybe a block or two. But these are very slow blocks. I mean 45 minutes for 3 blocks slow. It can be relaxing on a nice day. It can also make a person feel insane.  Bella walks out of the building happy with pep in her step but very soon after leaving the building she freezes. I mean freeze! She sniffs and stares. She looks like a statue. People see her and think she's so cute.  She's a tough one. She's so slow.  Who's walking who? How much does she weigh?  She's so lazy.  They say everything and most days I laugh it off. But today it was cold. My hands were numb and I just wanted to get home.  It was a 45 minute struggle.  And as soon as we walk in the door she sprints toward my husband.  Oh Bella! 

Day 15: Alert ! New Students

Most years, a student might move and leave  class. But this is not most years.  Remote learning is not ideal so students come in and out frequently.  Blended isn't working, they join.  Remote is not working, they leave.  Childcare is hard, they leave.  Someone is quarantined, they join.  Now, the classes in school are full. So no changes, right? No way. Today two new students arrived.  They were absolutely lovely.  They were fun!  But these changes have been hard.  I've gotten in the habit of checking my email frequently, almost obsessively, so I'm not caught off guard. That's happened five minutes before school another change. Sunday night, change.  And I know everyone is feeling it but that doesn't make it better.   Today we ended with some kind words.   What was the best part of your  day? Meeting my new friends!  So in the end... it didn't matter.  All of my anxiety washed away for today. 

A walk with Mooch

 I call him Mooch, his dad calls him Piglet, his name is Francisco.  Francisco is my 21 year old son. He is kind and thoughtful and funny. When he was younger we were inseparable but now he's an old guy.  Yesterday, he talked about a sandwich place,  La Panineria NYC, and we decided to take a walk.  I have'nt walked with him in a while. I jumped at the chance. 3 miles of walking and talking. No phones or TV.  At first, I thought it was a bit weird. He has the long legs and I was struggling to keep up.  "Slow down," I said.  I can't help it.  But he slowed down.  We walked some more, talked some more, ease-dropped on the people walking behind us.  We got to the shop and ordered our lunch. He treated me to lunch and paid for my salad.  Such a nice gesture.  I was smiling under my mask.  Then we zigzagged the streets of Manhattan back to our apartment.  We got home, plopped on the sofa and enjoyed our food.  I felt a flood of gratitude.  Grateful for a wa

Day 13: Yesterday!

Yesterday!  My phone beeped. A message appeared from my husband.  Charge my wheel. Wall, wheel then On.  He was very specific. I was walking Bella. In my mind, I thought he was getting ready for a group ride with his pals.  Then he said... You wanna go riding?  Sure!  My heart was nervous and excited. I was nervous because it was evening, tons of people were out and I usually go riding in the morning when no one is awake. Less people = less obstacles. That is my routine and I am comfortable with that!  But it's Friday and 70 degrees in March, so it felt like the whole world was walking around in Manhattan.  Lots of obstacles.  Lots of ebike, scooters and skateboards all fighting for space in the bike lane.  and me.  We left and rode down to the Seaport and it was great. Weaving through traffic to get to the park.   Pedestrians, cars, runners and bikes.  But I did it and my heart felt lighter.  Then we stopped at a light and waited for a signal.  I pushed off and the whe

Day 12: Another female EUC rider

I got a link. That happens often.  My husband sees a post, a Youtube video, an article and sends it my way frequently.  This one was a bit different.   Look at this, we saw this page over the summer. I looked at it. Click.  It was a woman in Jersey City that we saw over the summer. At that time she was struggling to learn how to ride the EUC. It was lots of falling and frustration. When I saw it in August, I could relate to her experience. Riding an electric unicycle was not easy for me.  This video was different.  Fast forward 7 months. Now she is a pro or a pro by my standards. She now rides in Manhattan. Crazy. I do it and my heart starts racing immediately. If you've ever seen or experienced Manhattan driving you understand what I mean.  My husband suggested I reach out, another female rider is rare.  So I thought about it, but I'm an introvert and new people stress me out.  I took a breath and found her IG. I DM her and told her about my experience.  I thought maybe she

Day 11: Some days are not so easy

I'm exhausted.  My eyeballs feel heavy.  The thought of zoom was hard.  And I'm not sure why today is different from other days.  I got up at the normal time. I had breakfast, blueberries and yogurt. Everything was the same except sunshine and warmth.  Today was sunny and warm, 70 degrees.  And I was inside: Monitoring zoom Answering calls  Staring at a screen  Teaching  Attending meetings  Listening  I took my book and sat in my balcony in-between calls.   The sun felt amazing for those 20 minutes.  

When your Abuela calls, you listen!

We had a friend over, so I didn't want to answer the phone. I'll call her back in 15 minutes. No big deal. Then Grandma Julie called again. She's calling twice in a row and that was unusal. I picked up the phone and walked to the kitchen.   Hi Grandma.   Hola Mi vida.   How are you?  Bien   Grandma Julie continues the conversation in spanish and I answer in english like I have my whole life.    Tu perrito es muy grande and so cute. Thanks Grandma.   I send her text messages with Bella's picture. She's 85 and knows how to view text but that's about all she can do on her smartphone.  Something tells me she has an ulterior motive. I continue the conversation.  I got my vaccine. Did you get your shot?  Yes! I got it.  Grandma lives in a small town in Puerto Rico. I was relieved. Still I know that wasn't the purpose of the conversation.   Have you spoken to your mother?   Nope She's mad at me.  Well, give her a call. I knew it, sneaky Grandma is trying

The Day after...

Today I was sore and achy. I woke up with a huge headache.  My arm felt yuck. Should I go to school? I thought about it for an hour. I thought about going to school (my dining table) and showing up for my kiddos. But showing up means a lot more than logging on zoom. It means being real and accessible and kind and listening. I was not able to do that fully this morning.  I texted my school, sipped on my coffee and went back to sleep.  Two hours later... The sun was shining. My windows were wide open. I decided to go for a walk. It felt amazing.  And I'm grateful that I listened to my body.   It's so easy to push through when I'm not 100% but I'm trying to remind myself that it's okay to step back.   Bella knows how to step back and relax.  We should all learn a lesson from Bella. 

It shouldn't have to feel like I won a million bucks.

Get vaccinated they said on the news, on the billboards, and in my emails. So I tried over and over to get an appointment. I logged on. I answered the long questionnaire. I verified myself and No appointments available . I tried for weeks but finally I gave up. How many times do I need to do this?  Then two weeks ago. I got a text message from NYU. At first, I ignored it. Then I looked closely and I saw the word Vaccine. I jumped on the app and got the first appointment I could find. It felt like I had won a million bucks. Like I had the Golden Ticket.  Today was the day. I couldn't sleep. I thought something would go wrong. The vaccine would be unavailable. I walked to NYU. The signs were bright orange. I followed them around a dozen turns. Finally, I made it.  Check in line. Number 27.  Verify your status online. Vaccine line.   Big Purple lines.   Big purple X.   I sat down and answered a bunch of the same questions. Then came the needle and it was all over.   S

My Neighbor Al

 Al is my neighbor. He's an older dude that is super cool.  I need to take a step back. I've lived on this floor of my building forever and Al has been my neighbor forever. I mean forever, I've lived here since I was 1.  When I was younger, Al was the cool dude on the fancy bike, a Cannondale I think.  Then Al was the cool dude on the electric skateboard. He would take that skateboard and carve up and down the street. He was that guy with the long dreads and the skateboard. I was always in awe of him. Free and living life the way he wanted. Never going by the rules, always being himself.  Today, Al is still my neighbor. Actually, he is my friend, more like my long lost uncle. He is the kindest man I know. Al is still super cool but he doesn't move like he once did. He has a limp. He aches.  But he still rides.  Today we went to Costco. It seems like a simple thing but it's a bit more. It's time. It's time spent with a friend that is family.  Al i

Saturday with the Kiddos

Every year, I work after school.  I work with small groups of students and we work on whatever they need. Reading, Writing, Math! No big deal, I've been doing it for years.  But of course, this year was very different. I am teaching remotely from my home everyday. My students and I stare at the screen for hours. It felt like torture to even consider staying on a device a moment longer. So initially I said No.  Then I changed my mind and my expectations. I meet with my kiddos for 2 hours on Saturdays.  It's an open door policy, Come if you like. And as long as they come I log on to zoom.  Some days there are 6 kids.  Some days two.  Some days we get tons of work done.  Some days we games. But  each time I finish, I feel a little bit more grateful for the time I get to spend with them.  Even on a Saturday Morning.

It's Bella's Birthday

Don't go window shopping for puppies.   While I don't regret the day at all.  Window shopping for puppies doesn't work.  My husband and I went to look at bulldogs.  "See what they're like" he said. So we did. And this little princess walked out.  She came right to me and I couldn't leave without her.  I named her immediately.  Bella is our princess.  Spoiled and Lovable.  Is she easy? Absolutely not.  Terrible eyes Allergies Sensitive stomach Big eaters  Ear infections The works Bulldogs are a tough breed but to know them is to love them.  Happy Birthday Belly Belle, Yum Yum, smooshy Bella.  Happy 3rd Birthday.  We love you. 

Come back safely

I woke up and I didn't see his shoes.  I looked around. No shoes. No jacket. I went to sleep but my hurt heart. I couldn't sleep. 1:00 AM.   I started to panic.  I began a stream of text.  What time are you coming home?   No response.  Where are you?   No response.  I'm worried .  No response.  Check his bed.  I walked over. He was sleeping in his bed the whole time.  I hugged him tightly.  He is my son. 21. Knows everything.  Hangs out late.  Makes me crazy.  But he came home safely. 

Day 3 Who am I?

We always read Winn Dixie. I love the part when Opal asks the preacher to share 10 things about her Mama because she is 10.  I am 45. 45 is a BIG number.   I was going to share 45 things about myself  but I think I'll  add the digits.  9 is more reasonable.   So here are nine things about me and my life. 1. I am a native New Yorker born and raised in Manhattan.  2. I'm right ✋ handed.  3. I'm a former runner. I ran over 30 races after my 40th birthday.  4. I am a bulldog mom. My baby is Bella. You will hear a lot about Bella.  5. I am a wife,  mom, stepmom and grandmother. 6. I love the outdoors! 7. A perfect date with my husband would be cruising on our electric unicycles through the city.  8. I get to teach some pretty cool kids.  9. I'm an omnivert. I can be the quietest or loudest person in the room. 

Ouch!

Those are my toes.  The blue covers, the not so cute, feet that used to be my friends.  If I wanted to run. I ran.  If I  wanted to jump and they would obediently jump.  But now they sting like lightning when ever they begin to zoom.  So, here I am, sitting, chatting, reminiscing about the feet I used to have.  Hopeful for the feet I might have soon. To be continued...

What could it be?

Your gift is downstairs!  That's what the text said.  He had mentioned this gift a few times.  He was dropping hints for the last few weeks.  But I didn't think too much about it.  He is a great gifter, gift giver, I don't know what it's called.  Anyway, he is my husband and he loves to give. No holiday or special occasion needed.  I went to the lobby. There were no packages on the shelf.  The mailperson was there so asked if he had it.   " Don't remember seeing your name" he said. He walked a box of packages over to the shelf. On the very bottom was the package. I was in a medium sized white box.  I tried to see the label but I left my glasses upstairs.  I squinted really hard.   CLARK! He got me Clarkpads!  I ran to the apartment and video called him.  Clarkpads!   Then I opened the box and they were purple.   These might not mean anything to the average person. But this is huge.  Some people learned to cook during The Lockdown. We learned ho